The YMCA Hotel
Dear Signore Direttore
Now I am gonna tella You watza happen to me last wiik at Your hotella when I arrive at Young christian Man. I checka in to Your hotella late in night and I getta nice room. So I decide to go strait to bedda. But wat I see? There is no shiit in my bedda. So I fone reception and tella them I wantta shiit. "Go to toilet", they say. I say: "No, no, You dontta understand, I wantta shiit in my bed". And they shout at me "You betta bloody well not shiit in your bed, you sunnowabitch". What is a sunnowabitch?
Next morning I come to breakfast and order tu eggsa, tu pisses of toast and cappucino. But I only get one piss of toast. So I tella waiter: "I want tu piss". He say go to toilet. I tella him he donna understand, I wantta piss on my plate. You dont even try to piss on your plate, you sunnowabitch" they tell me. Now, this is second time a person who not know me calla me sunnowabitch.
When I come to dinner I notice on place is laid plate, knife and spoon but no fock. So I tell the waitress I wantta fock. "Sure", she says, "everibody wantta fock". I say "No you donna understand, I wantta fock on the table". She hit me upon my head and shoutta "Get your perverted ass outta here, you sunnowabitch". Why dossa everibodi call me sunnowabitcha? I get angry and go to pay my bill in reception. So the receptionist gives me a copy of bill and says: "Thank you and piss on You". I say to him: "Piss on you to, you sunnowabitch, I no go back to Italy".
Now Signore Direttore, hows come everibody in personell call me sunnowabitch? I find it very uncomfortable and will never again setta my foot in Your hotella.
Antonio Mirafiori, Milano